PERFECTIONISM

For a long time I looked for perfection. The perfect running distance or time, the perfect foods, the perfect daily routine. That became an obsession, and eventually it turned from doing things that felt good to doing things for the sake of doing them in order to be “perfect”. It was a drain on my life and energy. It no longer made me happy. I won’t lie… yes I felt satisfied for completing “the perfect routine”. But at the expense of missing out on so many other things. Realising this, I no longer think of an absolute “perfect”. Rather I think of the journey and being happy along the way :)

WHAT DOES PERFECT EVEN MEAN?

It’s almost ingrained in us that there is a “perfection” for everything. We have even been fooled into thinking that it is attainable, and that we should all try to reach it or else we are not good enough.

But the thing is, there is no perfect….

First of all, who even defines perfect? It would be different for everyone. Yes society has standards for everything. But often these are a combination of everyone’s standards (wow that would be hard to achieve!) or just someone deciding on behalf of everyone else! That perfect is not everyone’s “perfect”.

Arguably, no one can even say what is perfect for themselves. How would they know if they haven’t experienced it? If you did define your own perfect, in reality it is more like a goal. You set it, you work to achieve it, hopefully you do. Then you can see if it really is “perfect”.

BUT in most (if not all) cases, there’s always something that can be improve, so you have to set a new goal; or you might find the goal and direction isn’t even what you want, so you change goal. In both cases, if you reach the destination and just think that is it (whether good or bad), isn’t that a bit anticlimactic and boring? You need to have somewhere further or new to go. It seems to be that as you get towards “perfection”, often the perfection grows and develops as you do.

And even the actual goal isn’t everything. As cliché as it is, it’s about the journey rather than the destination. Because in trying to get to that goal you learn so much about yourself, what it takes to achieve a certain thing, what your limits are and how much you can push them. Seeing things as a journey, progression, learning, etc. is so important.

Also remember that you can always create new starts, new goals, etc. It is not about all or nothing, or a one time decision that you go with for the rest of your life.

MY REALISATIONS & CHANGES

When I realised all this (as I hope you already know or can realise)…

• I stopped obsessing about perfection. About what it was, how I would obtain it, etc.

• I stopped stressing in so many ways. Both the thinking, doing and reflection stages… It took pressure off decision making and overthinking. So I was actually able to make better and faster decisions. If it was the right decision and what I did went as hoped, then great. If it was the wrong decision or I didn’t do something as hoped then oh well, it happened, I learnt, I didn’t obsess about it, and I was able to move on.

• I stopped being hard on myself about not doing everything ‘perfectly’ or making a less than perfect decision. Because there is no such thing and everything is part of the journey and progressing.

• I genuinely started to enjoy the journey and process of everything, of life.

• I started doing more because I wasn’t overthinking and being scared of doing things wrong.

• I started doing more things that felt good, that I enjoyed, and that really challenged me and pushed my limits. For example my 100km ultramarathon :)!

• I was just a billion times happier.

SUMMARISING

There really is no perfect, ultimate, end goal. There is a journey of always improving/ developing/ growing. It should be about setting goals, achieving them, and setting new higher ones. The goals are stepping stones along the road of your life.

Expectations of perfection are unrealistic, but the disappointment we feel if we don’t reach it is real. Why make yourself unhappy with false expectations? Why stress about decision-making, overthinking, and having to strive for or be perfect? I am definitely NOT saying don’t set high goals and challenges or strive for great things (see pushing and testing limits post). What I am saying is there is not one single ultimate perfection to strive for.

Realising makes you more relaxed and happier. And in this way everything feels and you become more “perfect”.